Dark Side of the Sun Feedback

[Eli Buchanan]

So for those of you who haven’t seen in the Twitter group chat, here’s a link to “Hotel California Presents: The Dark Side of the Sun”: t.co/R2VbNn3GIP

Feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Jason Cashe]

This will be more notes of the show. I will point out errors because without them, we cannot truly grow. Not that I will see every error and there probably won't be many anyway. I am a firm believer in that if I get what you were trying to say then it gets a pass in my book anyway.

-- I like the voice over esq narrative. It gives it not only a personal touch but also is something a single commentator would need to do to fill in the empty air time. It's funny as well, being paid in alcohol and it really does seem like some could have been written while drunk so you nailed that.

-- You also give just enough detail in the last show as people begin to appear so that a new reader would get the urge to wanna see the whole story of the first show. You do this VERY well in fact.

-- Esior is a fantastic character that has a very General Manager feel to him but still uniquely written. As is Madame Marianne LeSoleil which I had to copy/paste the name so I wouldn't botch it somehow. I love the power that fills the room when she comes in. How Esior kisses her hand and shows her the upmost respect (or fear) in her presence.

-- You might have outdone yourself in the first match. Not saying the rest of the show goes downhill from there but it was just a great writing of all the characters involved. You make sure to give small bits of information that help people grab a better understanding of the characters and how it all connects. Even the referee has good moments! This is a specialty trait as a writer doing full results so give yourself a Barry Horowitz. The wooden chair over the head is a brutal thought for today's wrestling and you feel for Penelope throughout the entire show honestly..

-- I love, love, LOVE the drag on Emerald City Squires producing students like McDonalds!

-- Huge win for Team Madness. I honestly didn't think they would win here. Between Griffin and Van Der Roost, they just carry more weight to their names with time put in. A good match but it was crazy how often you mixed up Echo and Alexandria's names. At one point saying Monroe and Alexandria. Also calling Layne "Lane" but small details, errors that can easily be overlooked because I get what you were going for. Team Madness needs to add that Double Boston Crab to their moveset because I can see that working for them.

-- The red eyes bit seen a few times throughout is a nice seed planted for further use and explanation down the road. You leave a few seeds like this to ensure interest in future shows, at least for me. It's a wild ride at every turn!

-- Binky/Cashe was so much different than I had expected. I never know what to expect but between the flying creature who lowers the cage to the cage busting open to the referee being mauled and everything that came as the show progressed, I was just amazed by it all. Truly. I cannot state how appreciative I am for you to even use my character but him being a bigger part of the underlining show is just great! Even if a bear is trying to eat him.. Cashe escaped the Cage ala Stone Cold and Big Show (added extremes) so therefore should be the winner but Billy has his Field of Dreams (if he appears, he wins or should) approach to things so..

-- I like how you took the time to have the ring and cage cleaned up. How Jack and Samuels bring out a Piano and Billy begins to sing. I think you meant Jack sings but the magic of it being Billy somehow works regardless..

-- I still don't know why some people dislike Tolson. As far as I have had interactions with her/him, they have been nothing short of normal. I wasn't expecting this match but it was a good match. Maybe the cleanest match in the whole show as far as "antics" go. I like the quick rundown on how the match came to be and I really like that another promotion is getting some promotion out of this event as well. Best method with these type of events is to showcase the various talents from many places coming together. I dig that!

-- I like how the Canary was introduced and as the whole scene takes place, you come to realize that the Canary was the flying creature from earlier. It was tired and just wanted to be left alone. You connect things and it might be what makes these shows work so well. I also like the idea of Cashe just wanting to drink some random shit. I won't drink after my own Momma, took me years to be comfortable drinking after my fiance of 20 years. I appreciate how well you grasp other people's characters.

I don't recall Nicole ever using the K Serum in this show. Something I even forgot happening during the first read so seeing it during the second read, it becomes another seed planted for future use? If I notice it being used, I will correct my mistake during this feedback.

-- Edwards/Hammerstein was just funny. Calling him Mr. Mom was a laugh and a half! The "Cashe" in me was growling when it said Eli goes in to check on his best friend. Grinds his gears but read is not said so as a reader, it was a nice touch to their storied relationship. It's almost rough to see this version of Hammer tbh but maybe it's because James Edwards became this reluctant but murderous villain in how he dismantled hos challenger. Poor Hammy! It's the red eyes.. Esior is an evil genius really!

-- There are moments in movies, television and all aspects of life where a single line defines the actions of hero. Bobby Larson saying "It's what Bekah would have wanted" is that moment for Bobby. It doesn't make him a badass like when Arnold says "Come with me if you want to live" but it puts him in this Rudy like spot where you just KNOW he will take a bullet or face the greatest of evils to try and protect Penelope and it's a cinematic moment for Bobby imo.

-- You called him Cache like three times.. I will forgive it because #BestiesWithTesties and the lawn mower is just so fitting, makes me think of Mexicool from WWE. That was racist as fuck but still original and had some laughs because they made it work for them. Between the going in circles to the kicking of the mower, the tree breaking, it was all so intense! I could see it as I was reading and that is really the ultimate goal in writing.

-- It's crazy because I JUST learned what a Tardis is the day before this show came out. I've seen the word before but Biggs gave me a rundown on Doctor Who and it's like one of those things where you learn a new word or see something for the first time and then it pops up more often. I dunno.. Random thinking out loud

-- No idea who James Pridemore is but after that win, I want to know more like Starship Troopers. Movie Reference. It's no secret I'm not a fan of Coral so I don't really feel she fit in a match like this but my own bias is more opinion than anything. I am not surprised it is her that ate the pin, fitting even. I need a better filter but those who dislike me don't have one either so fair is fair, yeah?

-- King Kong's white trash cousin.. What a character trait to have when you've been Honey, I blew up the Babied. I knew as soon as this started taking shape that Biggs would mark out for it. For Cashe, I sold it some on twitter as him only remembering up until he was looking into Binky's eyes by the tree. This was a wild ass fight scene that almost places the two on equal playing grounds. I can't imagine Cashe will be allowed back too many more times if the damage continues getting worse.. Hahaha! Like he is destined to end up on the Banned List once again.

IN CONCLUSION:
I truly feel that creative writing can be done in many ways. People try to correct someone to write a certain way and the language of writing was never meant to be used in a single manner or else the dictionary wouldn't add new words every year. If programs that auto correct writing into a more proper form were used throughout time then the great poets of the past would never have their own voice in their written words. I think you have a voice in your words. I think you carry an imagination that so many people lose the older they get. Some lose it as childhood innocence becomes a thing of the past and to that, you can be credited. I genuinely have loved these two shows. Not because I was on them or used in a good role because you can NOT book me and I would still read and enjoy them. People say that but randomly question someone about the events that took place and the majority wouldn't "remember" what happened outside of their own characters. You're a good dude Eli, I mean that and I thank you for sharing your ideas with us in these shows that put others over instead of your own.